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Sunday, September 17, 2006
JumpJump was done with it all. He had lost all purpose. There was no reason for his existence and he was tired of living this pointless life. He had nothing to accomplish, nothing to look forward to, so tonight was his final job. He walked to the cliff edge in his black T-shirt and shorts. he sped up as he approached the edge and hurled himself as far forward as he could. For just a second, he felt free, weightless. As he started falling, the wind rushing by, Jump felt fully at peace. This was what he wanted. Jump had closed his eyes and was deafened by the pressure and wind, so he didn't even know he had reached the bottom of the cliff, splattered into his final freedom.5:48 PM | 
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Monday, August 28, 2006
Solid Gold"It's like I've always hidden behind a mask. I've always been aware of that mask, but the thing is, I always thought the mask was the girl I just described to you. It never was. The mask was a shadow of that girl. The mask was someone who is outgoing and cool... around her friends. This girl is fearless... around everyone. She's not my mask. I've never hidden behind her. She's inside me. She's what I've been hiding. And I finally let her free. I just pray she stays with me."
Awesome, I'm going to lose my girlfriend. No, I'm not losing her. I know that will never happen. It's just that... she's becoming so independent, it's as if she doesn't need me anymore. And she won't. She's the one who's going to write a book that'll make $1000000, she'll be the one with lots of friends, she'll be the one that has a happy and successful life. I'll be the one that's there because... well, I got there first. I just happened to jump in her car to a good life before it left, and now she doesn't want any other hitchhikers. Lucky me, I won the most beautfiul, wonderful, amazingly talented, and greatest women in the world. I just wish she hadn't picked up this dud... I mean, this is exactly what I've always wanted with my life; peace, contentment, and I'll never have to work a day in my life. I mean, I'll still work, but she's going to be so damned good at what she does (writing, but she could act or sing for a living if she wanted to) that I won't actually have to work. It's everything a guy could hope for... I just wish I could have done more to make this dream come true, rather than just be an accessory to success. I'm so fucking lucky... I just wish I could do more to help this.
But what the Hell does it matter? I'm right, this is what I've always wanted. This is exactly how I've always wanted my life to play out! And I've got a woman that will love me forever, unconditionally. Wow... I really struck gold. I'm definitely glad I thought that one out a bit more, it actually cheered me up instead of depressing me. Good, my week is back on track with the happiness and all. I just hope she lets me be friends with her friends! ^_^ -Jack
7:10 PM |
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Saturday, August 26, 2006
What's Up?My dick. But seriously, maybe I should use this some time. I don't know, I don't really feel that I need to start another blog, but in my constant running from my families eyes, it's almost necessary. I have a safe-haven on xanga (www.xanga.com/z_zero_z), which is where all my poetry/writings were before they were here. This, however, is a brand new site and a brand new hiding spot. So what do I blog about? How about my day and such, since that's what a blog has become for.
Oh, boy... it's been a long fucking week. I moved in to my dorm room a week ago yesterday, and I must say; kill me. This sucks more than you may even be able to comprehend, unless of course college sucks/sucked for you, too, then you may be able to understand. My roommates suck. A lot. Zach's voice makes me want to slit my fucking wrists so I don't have to hear the slow droll of it anymore. It's more annoying that Marshall's, a roommate of mine from four years ago. The second roommate, Daniel, is the geekiest geek I've ever met. I'm not saying that being a geek is a bad thing, just look at me, but the way he is is as annoying as the way Zach speaks. Daniel... ugh, forget it. It's too many little things, the least of which is his laugh. AAAAAAH! Then there's Chris, the only kind of okay one. He plays guitar a bit, he's just learning, and that's cool... except he sucks and I have to listen to it. That's really the only thing that bothers me about him, so I gladly put that aside and call him a good roommate by comparison.
My classes aren't too bad, except that most of my teachers are boring as fuck. CSC 111's, Intro to Computing, teacher is so boring, it's sickening. Luckily, I can sit on the computer and browse the internet. So far, we've gone over the syllabus and, that's right, learned how to use email. Wow, that's in-depth. Next comes CHM 106, Fundamentals of Chemistry, possibly my only actually fun class. The teacher knows what he's talking about, isn't a bore to listen to, and it's been mostly math so far, so I like it. Next is REL 100, Intro to Religion, which I hope to be a fun class, as I am interested in religion, but hasn't gone very far yet. Too early to judge, but still pretty boring. IDS 100 (I think), Intro to University Life. That class will suck, but luckily, it's only half the semester. We've introduced ourselves and taken a short quiz. w00t? Meh, not really. And ENG 100 (I think, again), Creative Writing. The teacher is a 62-year-old hippie, boring as shit, but the class should be kind of fun, seeing as I like to write.
So far, my roommates suck, my classes suck; what's next? My friends. Ah yes, my friends. All 20 of them. Actually, six of them have died due to burning to death. Oh, right, you probably don't get it; cigarettes. But I only get those 20 because I need to quit. Well, those 14, and another will probably die tonight. Yeah, I don't have any friends. But I went to Anime Club last night, watched anime for four hours, won some free manga, and may have met a friend or two. w00t? Much more than before. So I may have a few friends, but it's still only temporary.
I've been away from my girlfriend for another week (I've been gone all summer), and it sucks, of course. For some reason, it doesn't seem like we get along as well when we're this far apart. It's like I just can't be the nice me that I am (at least to her) when I'm this far away. I don't get it... I just tend to fuck things up. And on top of that, her life gets better when I leave. Well, not right when I leave, but the controllable parts of her life are better now that I'm gone. See, her mom got seriously ill, her job got really bad, and school was sucking for her, all of which started right when I shipped out. Sure, it may have gotten worse for a bit without me, but now that her life has leveled out on the playing fields she can't control, she goes out with her friends last night and has the best time she's had in weeks. Probably better than the times I was with her. "Sometimes a girl just needs a night with her friends." Yeah, thanks for letting me know that over the past fucking year and a half. I would have given you much more fucking space if I'd known you just needed some time away from me. And maybe it's not even time away from me! I never would have had a problem if we'd just done stuff with your friends. I DON'T CARE, I LIKE YOUR FRIENDS!!! But no, I'm really just a hold back for her. It'll be better now that I'm gone. Of course, I'll be home next weekend, so that'll kind of suck for her, but I need to be there for her birthday, even if it is a bit late.
So, to sum all the above up, college sucks. Let it end, let it end, let it end.
I'm almost done with Half-Life and Dirge of Cerberus; Final Fantasy VII, though, so there's an upside. Oh, wait, no, I'm going to be FINISHING the only things I have to do. You know, when this movie's over, I'm going to need a cigarette. I've officially depressed the shit out of myself. At least I get to go to Hot Topic tomorrow. Mmm, goth. No friends and no happiness makes Zero something something. I'm out of here. I am nothing, I am nowhere, I am
-Zero
-edit-
I am now down 14 friends. I smoked one, putting me to thirteen, and put the rest in the dustpan of the chalkboard in my hall. I tried to give them away, but they smoked menthols, and I didn't feel like going back on my resolve. I don't own them anymore, and I'm not buying another pack. I'm done. Fuck that. It was fun while it lasted, but they served their purpose. I'm done. -Zero8:50 PM |
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006
This just came to mind...I am here,
But I am
Unwatched,
Unloves,
Unwanted.
Those who see me fear me.
Those who know me hate me.
Those who love me lie.
I am a lonely wanderer,
I have no one.
I am forever in
Confusion,
Sorrow,
Pain,
Hatred.
Leave me, as all others do.5:17 PM |
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Thursday, July 20, 2006
A Year of my LifeI am a product of hatred, confusion, love, and loss. I am a cutter, at least in mindset, masochistic, sadistic, and a bit crazy. I am a lot of things, and, to put it simply, they are almost all found to be negative or destructive. But I wasn't always this way...
I used to be normal. Your average kid, going to school, doing homework, teenage crush, just playing my games, enjoying my life, but I have become so much more. Or is it so much less? I can't really tell anymore. I have changed, to say the least. But I was at one time just a product of society. Not the way you might think, buying my clothes from the big namebrand stores, playing sports, running a C average just to get by. No, I was a product of society that lived on the other end, buying the cheap, but funny, clothes, playing whatever felt fun, and running a bit higher grades than the average person. That's right, I was the pure incarnation of a nerd, but at least my life was calm. I played cards and video games with my friends constantly, I did enough homework to keep my grades at above passing levels (because it really isn't that hard), and I enjoyed the simplicity of it all.
But I knew all along that I was also an outcast. I would never be accepted by pop culture because I refused to buy it. Not only buy into it, but literally to buy it. Too expensive for my tastes... and budget. I survived in the corner off the laughter of my friends, never needing to fit in with everyone else, and this was never a problem. At least, it wasn't until a certain girl stepped into the picture. I'm not saying, and I would never say, that she was the sole reason all this happened. Nor am I saying that I regret anything that happened, because now I believe she is my future wife. I'm just saying that it all started with her. That teenage crush I was talking about? It broke apart, shattered in front of my very eyes, even though it took me months to realize it. And this was just the start. This little crack in my life finally showed me that it's not all roses and tulips... at least, not without the thorns. And it's a lot closer to a thorn bush than it is to a flowery garden.
Then I met her; Michelle. If I thought not getting the girl I was crushing on was bad, I had a lot to learn. Losing the girl you are so sure you love is a lot worse. And when I say a lot, I don't mean 1 teaspoon stepped up to 1 tablespoon. Hell, I don't even mean stepping up from simple algebra to doing definitive anti-derivatives using substitution method. No, that's easy stuff. I mean as in stepping from your childish, and far too innocent youth, to a harsh reality that nothing in your life had prepared you for. And you would think with how much I was made fun of I'd be ready for a bit of harshness in my life, but no, my brother was always a nice buffer to the real world, always telling me that they didn't matter. Well, maybe if I'd taken the shit the way I most kids that age do, I could have started down this rocky trail a long time ago. This story... my story... is a story of love, betrayal, hatred, friendship, tempation, sin, loss... so many things, but I can't summarize it. There has been far too much to just give it descriptive words and fancy linguistics as a tantalizing treat to start you off. No, this was so much deeper. It was
A Year of My Life12:51 PM |
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BrokenHave you ever wondered what it's like to look into the eyes of a broken man? To see the hurt, the pain, and the loss? To see the fear of going on, the hatred for life, and the anguish from falling one too many time? Have you ever wondered what it's like to look into the eyes of a man who lost his heart?
You can never know, because he will never raise his eyes to this life again.
-insignificant
[January 2006]12:50 PM |
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HopeHope [April 27, 2006]
Hope walked through the desolate city. The only survivor of an attack by creatures of shadows. Quite literally, these shadow beasts had destroyed the entire city. Buildings were fine, cars in streets, everything normal... except that there were no other people, not even bodies. The sun had just set, and Hope was starting to feel afraid. She had only made it through because she had had her family, but they got separated, and now Hope couldn't find anything. As the sun dropped behind the horizon, Hope started to hear growls in the darkness of alleyways and deserted buildings. Fearing that she would soon meet her end, Hope started jogging, then running, turning down nearly every street, trying to lose the beasts. But the farther she went, the more she realized it; Hope was lost. She reached a dead-end alleyway, opened a door, and quickly went inside, shutting the door with a loud thud that seemed to echo forever through the big, empty, and completely dark room. Hope finally gave in, letting herself fall to the beasts. They tore her apart, but left nothing of her behind. Hope was gone.
Okay...
Maybe it was a bad day after all.12:49 PM |
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DepressionDepression [April 1, 2006]
Depression walked through the woods with his light in his hand. He didn't really like going through here, but there was no easier way to the other side of the monstrous trees. It would have been miles, possibly taken days, to get around the forest. The small lantern did not provide much light, but it was enough to see by. As he worked his way deeper and deeper into the forest, more and more light filtered away through the trees. To make matters worse, his lantern seemed to be losing power. It was as though the darkness was eating his light, but Depression was sure he could make it through. Of course, Depression had heard stories of other, much stronger men, trying to brave the 'horrors' of the forest. Men had turned up dead, seemingly strangled or shot through the head. This seemed impossible, since no animals were smart enough to use such weapons, and no humans had ever stayed in the forest. There had been far stranger stories of the bodies that turned up at dawn at the edge of the forest, but most of them were just written off as ghost stories. By now, Depression had nearly reached the center of the forest. He was sure by now that he would make it through, but his light was nearly dead. Just as he thought the light was getting brighter, it went out completely, leaving him in total darkness. The next morning at dawn, a body was found outside the forest, both wrists slit, eyes rolled into his head. Depression was the newest victim of the darkness.
Okay...
Maybe it was a bad day after all.12:46 PM |
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Rip, Smother, Shot, Slice, Slash, BoomRip [March 23, 2006]
As Rip finished his argument, he knew that his friend standing five feet back and a bit to the right of him was going to argue. Before he could start, though, Rip spun around quickly, unsheathing a six-inch serrated blade from his belt. As he turned, Rip launched his arum to full length, making sure to keep his elbow straight and arm tight. As the blade met flesh, Rip knew his friend's throat would soon be no more. The serrated blade easily made its way through the skin and much much deeper. Rip could have sworn he could feel each separate sinew of skin, muscle, and nerve tearing. It was invigorating as Rip's hand and arm pulled away from his friend's neck. His knife drenched in blood, Rip watched a spray of blood follow the arc of his arm out of his friend's neck. His friend wasn't going to argue back now.
Okay...
Maybe it was a good day after all.
Smother [March 25, 2006]
The movie had just finished, and Smother didn't feel like watching the credits. He had enjoyed the movie, and so had his girlfriend, but Smother was going to have more fun in this basement than either of them had planned. He leaned over and kissed her, and she believed that this was true love. As he pulled away, Smother brought his hands up to her shoulders, then to her neck, and pushed his thumbs into her throat. Using his other fingers to hold the back of her neck, Smother squeezed his girlfriend's neck as hard as he could. She tried to cry out, but the breath was caught in her throat, and this just made Smother want to press harder. Her face was starting to turn red, her eyes looking bloodshot, Smother smiling vindictively the entire time. She had cheated on him, and no one hurts Smother that way. At least, no one hurts him that way and gets away with it. Her neck was starting to bleed from small cuts near the end of Smother's fingers. He had subconsciously starting forcing his nails into her skin. The blood ran onto his fingers, and as his girlfriend let out her last breath, Smother raised his hand to his mouth and licked off the blood.
Okay...
Maybe it was a good day after all.
Shot [March 25, 2006]
He wasn't going to make it easy for Shot. All Shot wanted to do was finish his chores, but his little brother just wouldn't stop bugging him. Shot had to empty the cat litter, and that was always the worst job for him, so it was only growing worse as his brother pestered him. Finally growing too tired of this annoyance, Shot pulled a pistol from his jacket it and pointed it at his brother's head. He had given enough warnings, and Shot wasn't going to listen to this any more. As Shot's finger pulled on the trigger, his heart raced, his pulse rising. He could feel the blood pumping in his temple, his arms, his legs, his fingers. His brother, too stupid to think to move, stood there like a deer in the headlights. Before there was any more time to react, a bullet issued from the barrel of the pistol. The gunshot sounded like fireworks in Shot's ears, a joyous sound that would only bring him more happiness in a few seconds. The bullet whizzed towards his brother's forehead, spinning in the air, quickly making its way into contact with its target. Shot's brother's skull cracked quickly, leaving a bullet-sized hole in his forehead, directly between his eyes. As the bullet left the backside of his head, Shot's brother's brains spewed onto the wall behind him. Shot put the gun away and finished his chores.
Okay...
Maybe it was a good day after all.
Slice [March 25, 2006]
The bell rung 4:00 and Slice got up to leave detention. The principal said he couldn't wait to see him next week, implying Slice would get in trouble again. Well this was the last time Slice was going to get caught by this teacher. Slice quickly pulled a small katana from his backpack, rapidly unsheathed the blade, and launched into his attack. The principal was standing next to the door into the hallway and, luckily, there wasn't another teacher left in the hallway. He drove the sword with all his might in a powerful arc, the tip of the blade scrapping the carpet. The weapon easily found its way through the principal's chest, slicing it open, discharging forth a rush of blood. Not wanting to miss a second of the gore to ensure, Slice pulled the short sword back and swung again and again, cutting the principal's chest to shreds in less than a minute. With at least 20 slashes leaking blood rapidly, the principal finally fell to the ground, his eyes rolling back into his head. Slice took a non-bloodied part of the principal's shirt, cleaned off his blade, and put the weapon away before walking out.
Okay...
Maybe it was a good day after all.
Slash [April 3, 2006]
Slash was just about to go out, just to get away from his house. He had been doing chores for an hour and was sick and tired of it. He just wanted to get away for a little bit when his mother came around the corner and asked him to help her clean the living room. Slash was not going to do any more chores, and his sharpened nails were starting to dig into his palm from containing his anger. His palm bloody, his anger rising to the breaking point, Slash decided he wasn't going to hold it in any longer. He quickly lashed out his right arm, dragging it across his mother's face, leaving gashes right over her eyes. Blinded, she stumbled back and tripped on one of Slash's brother's toys. Taking advantage of her weakness, Slash jumped on top of her and started tearing into her. Once across her left arm, then her right, leaving bloody trails crossing the carpet. Not wanting to waste any time, Slash quickly rended her stomach and chest, finally ending with her throat. If he was going to kill her, Slash was going to make sure she was dead. Leaving a few more gouges across her body, Slash got up, picked up his backpack, and headed out to relax like he had been planning to.
Okay...
Maybe it was a good day after all.
Boom [April 12, 2006]
Boom was tired of being mocked. Lucky for him, those assholes at school wouldn’t be around anymore to bother him. At least, not after Boom was finished with them. Perched on a branch in a nearby tree, Boom watched the two guys get into their truck. The driver turned the car on, and as he started to pull out, Boom pushed the trigger, setting of two small bombs, one in their engine, the other in the gas tank. The detonation was almost instantaneous. Two large explosions issued from the car; a large fireball growing at the gas can, the engine throwing pieces of metal in every direction. A piece of windshield hit the passenger in the arm, lodging itself tight, blood spewing from the wound. The driver got hit in the gut by a piece of the engine, battery acid spraying him in the eyes. Soon, the fireball reached them and they quickly caught on fire. They both got out, trying to escape their imminent death, but just turned into walking fiery corpses. Their bodies were nearly turned to ash in the flames, and Boom jumped down from his perch, laughed at the dead bodies, and started to walk home.
Okay...
Maybe it was a good day after all.12:39 PM |
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DisgustingIt churns up out of
Disgust,
Sorrow,
Depression,
Anger,
Fear
....
And maybe a finger or two.
It comes out...
Vomitting, uncontrollably...
The putrid taste of stomach acid mixed with Koolaid.
The rotten taste of pizza sauce and cheese only just getting digested.
The bitter sugary taste of half-digested cereal.
And another wave of stomach acid, just to make you more sick.
It doesn't stop, and the mistake takes hold.
Finally, it ends, and you're so tired you can't move...
Sitting in a puddle of your own filth, you just lie there.
Disgusting.
[May 2, 2006]12:23 PM |
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SinkingOh... that sinking feeling...
Long present, a familiar friend,
A familiar enemy.
A destroyer, here to end all that is good.
Omens of evils to come,
Signs that nothing is right.
Causing fear greater than any other.
Now, evolved, mutated, adapted.
No more omens or signs,
But the fear remains.
A sinking feeling
For a need of something wrong.
Causing others greater fear than anything else.
That sinking feeling... a feeling of my own destruction.
[May 27, 2006]12:22 PM |
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DepressionDepression.
Deep, dark, forever twisting.
Lonliness.
Eternal...
No way out,
No way back.
Always, forever,
Depression.
[April 14, 2006]12:20 PM |
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Hate MeHate me. All of me.
Hate what I've done
And hate what I do.
Hate what I've been
And hate what I am.
Hate me for everything
That you've ever known of me.
Hate me. All of me.
Hate me.
[March 13, 2006]12:19 PM |
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UntitledFall to the ground.
Bleeding.
Dying.
Fade away.
Forever.
Dark.
[February 11, 2006]12:18 PM |
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LaughterStop laughing at me.
I would give my cards,
I would give my games,
I would give my fun, if they would
Stop laughing at me.
I would give my friends,
I would give my family,
I would give my loved ones, if they would
Stop laughing at me.
I would give my anger,
I would give my sorrow,
I would give my feelings, if they would
Stop laughing at me.
I would give my love,
I would give my hate,
I would give my life, if they would
Stop laughing at me.
I would give them a knife,
I would give them a bullet,
I would take their lives, if they would just
STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!
[c. October~November 2005]12:15 PM |
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SittingI wanted to do anything,
But I just sat there.
I wanted to show them how angry I was,
I wanted to get this hatred out of me,
But I just sat there.
I wanted to get a job,
I wanted to go to college,
But I just sat there.
I wanted to make her happy,
I wanted to show her how I felt,
But I just sat there.
I wanted to prove myself,
I wanted to not be a waste,
But I just sat there.
I wanted to make it in life,
I wanted to accomplish something,
But I just sat there.
I wanted to be strong,
I wanted to be a better person,
But I just sat there.
I wanted to stop crying,
I wanted to stop hurting,
But I just sat there.
And that's all I had done...
I just sat there.
I never did anything to change it,
I never made anything of myself,
I just sat there.
I never made her happy,
I never proved I was good for anything,
I just sat there.
I never stopped the tears,
I never stopped the pain,
I just sat there.
And that's all I ever did...
I sat there.
I failed,
I did nothing,
I sat there.
I procrastinated,
I made it worse,
I sat there.
I stopped,
I gave up,
I sat there.
And that's all I would ever do...
Sit there.
[c. October~November 2005]12:12 PM |
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HappyI'm happy, and it's great.
I go to school and do my homework,
I hang out with my friends and laugh,
I play games and have fun,
I didn't get the girl, but whatever
....
I'm not happy, and it sucks.
I go to school and skip my homework,
I have friends that do stupid things,
I stopped playing games, and I'm bored,
I don't have the girl, and it sucks
....
I'm depressed, and it hurts.
I want to skip school and never do my homework,
I lost my friends and I do stupid things,
I can't play games, I'm too sad,
I have the girl, and that's all I have
....
I was depressed, and it destroyed me.
I can't go to school, there is no homework.
I can never have friends again,
I have no games to play,
I have no one, and it kills me.
I am dead.
[c. October~November 2005]12:10 PM |
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SlitSliding across the skin,
First a trickle, then it grows.
Red hot, searing pain,
Beautiful blossom of blood.
Quiet ting, metal hits linoleum,
or nothing, falling only on carpet.
The flower continues to bloom,
As in spring, so illustrious,
It leaks out, too fast to stop.
Calm spreads, then numb,
Then nothing...
But only in my dreams.
[no date listed]12:09 PM |
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HeHe just sat there as she walked away. He hadn't loved her enough and she was tired of all the pain. She had left him and he was now alone.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
He got home, forgetting the makeup he now wore. His parents asked if he was goth now. He guessed so and they got angry again, yelling at him, sending him to his room.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
He turned on the radio and the DJ was ranting about how annoying those stupid emo kids that cry over lost girlfriends are. The DJ's right, he thought. What good was he?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
He pulled out a small razor blade. The blade was silent, saying nothing against him. It didn't judge him, it let him be who he was. It didn't leave him, it was always there. The blade kissed his wrist, and he said goodnight and goodbye.
[February 16, 2006]12:08 PM |
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Missing YouGone for a year,
No long contact,
Missing you for all of it.
School, friends, jobs, parties,
And you are so far away.
Trapped hundreds of miles apart,
Willing to do anything to be with you
And I haven't even left yet.
[January 6, 2006]12:07 PM |
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CalmBreathing deeply,
Lying still,
Resting.
Dim lights in the room,
Soft music playing,
Calm resonating.
Motionless, breathing slow,
Drifting, fading,
The calm black of sleep,
Dreaming, imagining,
Calm all around,
Peaceful.
[February 12, 2006]12:07 PM |
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Frantic MindPain from the past,Months ago...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was forgotten, forgiven,
But it haunts me still.
A mistake, simple mistake
Broke all trust, lost it all.
She was gone, forever,
Or so it seemed.
She was back, forever,
and it will be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But the memories haunt,
Creeping out of shadows,
Hiding in holes of my mind.
Small signs, minute thoughts
Grow to pain, torture, too much.
Lost focus, must release, not quick enough.
Disorder... disorder... disorder...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And it's gone.
The pain subsides,
The pen crosses the paper,
The mind is calm again.
[February 6, 2006]12:05 PM |
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DoubtDoubting why,
Is it all even worth it?
Pain, sorrow, hurt,
Misery, torment, trials,
Why?
What could be so great
that it's all worth it?
It's not worth it!
Constant hurt, control,
Losing it all, giving it all,
Is it even worth it?
For her, anything!
Pain, hurt, death,
Anything for her!
But why?
For love?
What if this isn't love?
What if love isn't real?
I love her, or so I think,
So I tell myself,
"For love..."
But does she even believe,
Trust that I love her?
Why would she?
I am the source of
Pain, sorrow, hurt,
Misery, torment, trials,
Everything.
I am the main source
Of all her pain.
One last pain,
And release her forever?
Why not?
Because of doubt.
Doubting everything,
Left only to doubt,
The Doubt.
[February 15, 2006]12:02 PM |
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